This is the last in a 15 part series of Month of Mindfulness posts
Over the last month I have posted 15 posts (including this one) giving an overview of how mindfulness can help in various areas of life. All of these posts are quite short, most about 2-3 minutes to read. They are an overview of how mindfulness can help, rather than an in-depth look at how to practice. So I encourage you to give them all a read, and learn just how much a regular mindfulness practice can help you. I will give a short outline of each below, or you can get the full list by clicking the following link: A Month Of Mindfulness
A massive 57% of all work days lost to ill health were due to stress and anxiety. This post looks at what causes stress and how mindfulness can help to reduce it.
Unchecked emotions are a source of personal unhappiness and troubled relationships. This post looks at getting in touch with emotions and accepting them.
Some people write articles about mindfulness being dangerous. While there can be circumstances when prolonged meditation may not be a good idea, read my thoughts on this in this post.
A chronic lack of sleep, along with anxiety, is a huge problem for modern society. The two often go hand in hands. Learn how mindfulness can help you get better quality, and quantity of, sleep.
With an increasing number of elderly people in society, cognitive decline is a growing problem. Read about the positive results from studies into mindfulness and cognitive ability
Boundaries are essential for our own wellbeing. Learn how to set them confidently and mindfully, and stick to them.
(15) Mindfulness Overview
The 15th post is this one, bringing the series to a close.
You have hopefully learned how mindfulness can improve every area of your life. Many of the practices, such as coming back to your breath, can be applied in any situation.
“When you’re feeling frazzled, put all of your attention on the breath. It’s a portal into the present moment, the best remedy for stress.”
— Ellen Barrett
Mindfulness For Busy People
If you have enjoyed this series and would like to begin a mindfulness practice, check out my 21 day email course Mindfulness For Busy People especially if you always feel like you don’t have time or don’t know where to start. The course is also beneficial if you are an experienced mindfulness practitioner or meditator but have let your practice lapse or would just like some fresh motivation.
Feel free to contact me if you would like to work one to one, or have any questions.
Gill
Gill Washington does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information
This is the 14th in a 15 part series of Month of Mindfulness posts
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”
— Brene Brown
People Take Advantage
We need to set boundaries in all of our relationships. Significant other, children, friends, colleagues, bosses. If we don’t, people will take advantage – it’s human nature.
Women in particular can have a hard time setting boundaries, and find it difficult to say no. This is something I find difficult too, but know it is something I have to do for my own peace of mind. And so I work at it.
How do people push our boundaries? They may disrespect our time, or our feelings. Children may expect us to ferry them here, there and everywhere. Colleagues may expect us to do way more than our fair share of work. Bosses may expect us to stay late at the drop of a hat, even though we have prior arrangements. Clients may be late and still expect a full session, or cancel at the last minute and expect not to pay.
It is perfectly okay to say no to any of these requests. And it’s also perfectly okay to state what your boundaries are, and stick to them.
Learn To Say No
“No is a complete sentence.”
– Anne Lamott
It’s important to learn how to say no confidently and assertively. If people have been used to you doing whatever they want, whenever they want, they may not like it when you change. It’s important to remain calm and aware while sticking to your guns.
Calmly explain to someone that you are not able to do what they want. You can tell them why, but you don’t owe them an explanation. You also don’t need to apologise – you haven’t done anything wrong.
Fear Of Conflict
“The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.”
– unknown
Fear of conflict is often why people give in and do whatever is asked of them, even if it is at great cost to themselves. This fear causes them to shy away from setting mindful boundaries. What’s being asked of you may take your time, your energy and your money. If you have been meditating and doing other mindful practices, you will be more self-aware, more assertive, more responsive and a lot less reactive.
If someone attempts to draw you into an argument, do some deep breathing. Check out the Mindfulness And Emotions post in this series for ideas on how to keep your emotions in check. Try to remain compassionate and non-judgmental of the other person, at the same time as retaining your own sense of self-respect. Remaining mindful throughout the conversation will help.
Excuse yourself and nip to the bathroom and do some breathing exercises if you need to.
Respect Yourself
“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you’re not saying ‘no’ to yourself.”
—Paulo Coelho
Of course we are always going to want to help others. Setting mindful boundaries isn’t about always saying no. It’s about learning to say no when what is asked for is not something you want to do, or can do without saying no to something you really want to do for yourself.
Be bold, be assertive, set those boundaries and stick to them.
Gill Washington does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information
This is the 13th in a 15 part series of Month of Mindfulness posts
The most powerful way to change the world is to live in the front of our children the way we would like the world to be.
-Graham White
Anyone who is a parent knows it is both the most rewarding and the most challenging job. Being a mindful parent can help you to get through the difficult times with more ease, and greater enjoyment of the good times.
Sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, childhood illnesses, teenage petulance, to name just a few of the tests. It is no wonder that even the most laid back parents some times lose it. It is easy to become stressed out and overwhelmed.
“When parents become stressed that stress becomes contagious; children know when their parents are tense and overwhelmed. In fact, according to Dr. Amy Saltzman, a holistic physician and mindfulness coach (and creator of the Still Quiet Place CDs for Young Children and Teens), “Data shows that the greatest source of childhood and adolescent stress is not school work, extracurricular activities, or peer pressure, but parental stress.” So being a good parent means learning to manage your own stress.”
We looked at stress in an earlier post in this series, How Mindfulness Reduces Stress, and most of the 15 posts in this series touch on stress in some way.
Mindfulness For Busy People
Of course it can seem impossible to find time for yourself when you have parenting duties, work responsibilities, home chores and a social life to manage. I’m not saying it will be easy, but I can promise it will be well worth it to fit some mindfulness practice into your daily life. The benefits will more than recompense for any time you spend.
If you want to learn more about how you can gain maximum benefit from mindfulness with minimal time expenditure, check out my Mindfulness For Busy People mini course to learn how I can help.
Children Watch And Learn
If your children see you doing a mindfulness exercise, they are likely to ask you what you are doing. Explain to them simply you are practicing being mindful. Tell them how it helps you to be a calmer parent.
Encourage them to do a little breathing exercise with you, but don’t force them. If they say they don’t want to, just let it go. As they see you getting calmer, they may want to give it a go. Let it happen when they are ready. Just breathing in and out two or three times can give them a taster.
If you are in the garden or a park, try looking at a leaf and describing it in great detail. Ask them how it looks, feels, smells. Go into as much detail as possible. Try to just focus completely on the leaf in the present moment.
Respond Don’t React
Being a mindful parent is about being present and being aware in a non-judgmental way.
As always with mindfulness, we are learning to respond rather than react. If your toddler (or teen) has a temper tantrum and you respond with a tantrum of your own, they are learning that it is ok to behave that way. Instead, try to take a deep breath before saying anything at all. Just that pause can help you to calm down.
Try to listen to why your child is upset. Children sometimes find it difficult to express themselves. Even older children may not be able to explain exactly what is going on with them.
Whatever age they are, children are still learning (as are we all). Allow them to learn. Allow them to make mistakes without getting frustrated with them. Let them spill their food, button their cardigan the wrong way, make spelling mistakes without getting angry. See it as part of their growth. Just keep encouraging them.
Continue Your Own Practice
When you continue with your own regular mindfulness practice, mindful parenting will become much easier. You will be more calm and balanced and will be setting an excellent example for your children. The whole family will benefit from this.
Gill Washington does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information
This is the twelfth of a 15 part series of Month of Mindfulness posts
Stress In The Workplace
Stress in the workplace is a serious problem, and for some people can be overwhelming. This stress is usually related to workload or dealing with ‘difficult’ people. This can lead to anxiety, depression and even panic attacks.
Mindfulness can help to reduce this stress, resulting in improved relationships and increased efficiency. Even if you are the only person in the workplace practicing mindfulness, it can have a beneficial effect on the whole team.
“The main business case for meditation is that if you’re fully present on the job, you will be more effective as a leader, you will make better decisions and you will work better with other people”
– William George
Take A Few Minutes
Take just a few minutes at the start of your working day to do some breath work. Sit at your desk, or find a quiet space, and just follow your breath for a few minutes. This will get your day off to a positive start. Try to repeat this whenever you start to feel stressed.
As you become more self-aware, you will spot the signs more quickly. Do some breathwork as soon as you can.
If you have a difficult encounter coming up, take a few minutes to visualise the meeting and the outcome. Really feel how it will be when you achieve a positive outcome. If you are ruminating on how difficult the encounter is going to be, that is what will manifest.
Don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself having negative thoughts, just turn them around into positive ones.
If you have a difficult decision to make, or strategy to plan, get yourself into a good place with a few minutes of mindfulness, so that you are thinking clearly, calmly and rationally. Don’t use Mindfulness as an escape from thinking things through carefully and clearly though. Rather, use it to help you do just that.
Try to fit in at least one three minute breathing space meditation throughout the working day, setting aside technology for a few minutes. Don’t look at email or your phone etc. Try to have at least one break away from your desk, and away from colleagues if possible. Use the time to focus, become self-aware and just relax.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Viktor Frankl
Four A’s To Reduce Workplace Stress
Avoid – not all stress can be avoided, but at times it can. Learn to set boundaries, say no, and let go of ‘should’ when possible. If there is a situation that you know makes you feel stressed, avoid it if it is not necessary to be there.
Alter – learn to be more assertive, and also learn to compromise. Try to understand the other person’s point of view. They may feel they are right and you are being difficult. Try to really listen and find out why they feel the way they do.
Adapt – if a stressor can’t be avoided, change your attitude. Focus on the positive, and look at the big picture. Is this worth getting upset about? What good will getting upset do? How can you look at things differently? What changes can you make around the situation.
Accept – some things cannot be changed. Look for the lesson in the situation and accept that this is how it is for now.
S.T.O.P
Another mindfulness technique that can be very useful is S.T.O.P. This can be useful whenever you’re feeling stressed, and can be particularly useful in the work place. It helps as a pattern interrupter, and to bring you back to the present moment.
Stop— or pause. You can say stop to yourself, and stop whatever you are doing.
T — Takea breath just follow your breath for a few complete cycles. Let that be your focus.
O — Observe the body, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and physical sensations. Just notice non-judgmentally what is going on.
P — Proceed with more awareness and mindfulness.
Repeat this as and when needed. The whole thing can be done in a matter of minutes or even seconds.
Taking the time to practice mindfulness in work benefits everyone, and also benefits the company itself. If you find it works for you, encourage your colleagues to try it also.
This is the eleventh of a 15 part series of Month of Mindfulness posts
As we grow in our consciousness, there will be more compassion and more love, and then the barriers between people, between religions, between nations will begin to fall. Yes, we have to beat down the separateness.
Ram Dass
Whatever the current state of your relationship with your significant other, mindfulness can improve it.
Your partner may be open and receptive to trying mindfulness with you. If so, that’s great and you can benefit together. However, if your partner has no interest at all, you can still improve your relationship by working on yourself.
Regular Mindfulness Practice
One of the benefits of a regular mindfulness practice is that we learn to live in the moment, and learn to be in touch with our thoughts, feelings and emotions. We can learn to recognise feelings, and respond rather than react. This can have a very beneficial effect on our relationships, whether with partner, children, parents, colleagues or friends.
Many of us react in our intimate relationships, especially with a partner. We get mad, shout, scream, throw things or become silent – all egoic reactions. With regular practice, we can recognise these reactions before we have given voice to them. It is then possible to respond in a mindful way.
For instance, if we feel slighted, or taken for granted, instead of reacting and escalating the situation, we can respond and diffuse it. Remembering, as ever, to come back to the breath.
If necessary, tell your partner you need a few minutes break – go to the bathroom if necessary and do a three minute breathing space meditation. Or go out for a brisk walk and get rid of some of the negative energy.
Being Non-judgmental
A big part of Mindfulness is responding in a non-judgmental way – everybody else has their own stuff going on. Try to understand why the other person is responding (or reacting) as they are. Is there room for you to change your stance? Can you be assertive, hold your own position but be accepting of theirs?
When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.
– Donald Miller
One of the main causes of trouble in a relationship is wanting a partner to be different to how they are. Wanting things done how we think they should be done, rather than letting them be who they are. If you can observe this in yourself with non-judgmental awareness, that is the beginning of being able to let go of it.
If you can work through these thoughts and feelings with your partner, that’s great. If not, continue to do the work alone. Chances are they will notice a real change in you, and you can then talk to them about how the changes have come about.
This isn’t about finding fault with either you or your partner. It’s just observing exactly what is.
Journaling
Journaling can help with this. You can write down your feelings and emotions around situations with your other half. Think about how you reacted and how you felt. Then think about what you could have done differently, and how that would have felt. Notice how your reactions and responses change over time.
Self-Awareness
A healthy relationship is when two people equally take turns being the one who steps up when the other is going through a turbulent moment, each is capable of listening and holding space, each is self-aware enough to check in with themselves and not project onto each other.
– Yung Pueblo
I love the above quote from Yung Pueblo. When we lack self-awareness, we don’t even realise we are projecting. It is so easy to hear something completely different to what was meant. As mindfulness practice becomes regular, self-awareness grows. As self-awareness grows, understanding of why another acts as they do also grows. And it is possible to have great compassion, rather than anger or sadness or annoyance.
Give Space
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.
– Rainer Maria Rilke
Ah, Rilke. he knows that there are always distances in relationships. These distances are good and healthy for any relationship. Give your partner freedom, and the relationship will be all the better for it.
If you find it difficult to give this space, meditate on it, journal around it and again observe non-judgmentally. Seeing is a good way to overcoming.
Mindfulness is an ongoing practice that can strengthen your intimate relationships, as you develop your self-awareness, self-love and self-expression. It’s worth working for.
This is the tenth in a 15 part series of A Month of Mindfulness Posts
Multiple studies show a remarkable benefit to hear health from daily meditation.
15 Minutes Per Day
According to the British Heart Foundation, a 5 year study asked people to do 15 minutes of transcendental meditation per day. The study found that “this reduced the risk of death, heart attack, and stroke by 48 per cent. These changes were associated with lower blood pressure and lower stress levels. The researchers concluded “this practice may be clinically useful in the secondary prevention of cardiovascular disease [the prevention of further heart or stroke events for people who already have the condition].””
These results are amazing, from something that has little to no side effects and little to no cost involved. You can do 15 minutes sitting meditation at home by yourself. Or get out and join a local group and benefit from company and a teacher’s guidance.
Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat any time and be yourself.
– Hermann Hesse
Stress And Blood Pressure
We have looked at mindfulness and stress in the post How Mindfulness Reduces Stress. Check that out if you haven’t already read it.
“There are well documented studies that show meditation reverses the physiologic manifestations of stress such as elevated blood pressure and heart rate. In addition, there is now more gathering evidence that stress can have harmful effects on the functioning of our immune system. An abnormally activated immune system may actually trigger heart attacks and worsen coronary artery disease”.
There can be little doubt that mindfulness meditation can improve your heart health. It can help to prevent stroke and heart attacks, or further events from occurring.
If you want to reap the benefits and make your heart happy, try and find at least 15 minutes per day.
There are different meditations you can try. As always, a search on YouTube will bring out lots of meditations related to heart health. Or you can just sit and follow your breath, for 5, 10 or 15 minutes.
If 15 minutes is too much for you at first, just start off with 5 and build up. You will soon be glad you did.
Gill Washington does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information
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